September 2005 Archives

ok, so i did not make this picture, nor do i claim it as my own, but a colleague just sent this to me saying it reminded him of me.

i don't know if it is that smile of hers, the hairstyle, or those dashing blue eyes that make him think of me, but i do know that i love her philosophy.

so, this is not my idea.  as we all well know, i do not have many original ideas.  but i thought i would plot out the amount of television i watch each night.  this does not include the news or crap tv until my "shows" come on.

sun is for desperate housewives & grey's anatomy = 2

mon is for two & a half men, how i met your mother = 1

tues is for gilmore girls, the amazing race & boston legal = 3

wed is for lost = 1

thur is for survivor (t's fault), and csi = 2

fri is for threshhold (also t's fault) = 1

for a grand total of 10 hours.  like i said, that doesn't include all the other crap tv i watch in between.  like i watch charmed here and there since i am waiting on netflix to bring it to me.  or the movies or mtv on saturdays.  if i were to add it up, it would be a lot, and it would be a second job for me to watch all of it.  so i am going to start a new policy in my household: no tv before 8pm.  silence is golden, and t and i can have dinner, talk, read, grade, go out for a walk, play with the cats.  to hell with the local news, it can be read online.  something to give us time to think.

voltaire is a fascinating character in french lit.  i have read his stuff and i love his wit and charm.  while i was digging around for a photo from this summer to post on this website, i noticed this one from the louvre.  obviously t took it since it is digital and as we all know, i am not to touch the sacred digital camera.  i promise he shares, but it is his baby when he is in a photo taking mood.

i personally am not a photo taker.  i find myself thinking thoughts, "totally a kodak moment."  even if the camera is in my hands, focused, finger on the button, for whatever reason, my instinct is to think about the moment and not capture it for all eternity-- or at least until this technology becomes obsolete.  why is that?  is it because i am the baby, and we all know the baby in the family gets screwed when it comes to photos.

what i like about this photo is this: that expression he has, that feeling he is showing right now, captured for all eternity as a statue to be recaptured on digital-thingamabob-ness, that content smile with a touch of curiosity behind the eyes, with a splash of fatigue in the brow, that is a feeling i understand.  i relate to voltaire.

it's on days like today that i realize that motivation is a necessity of teaching.  like i didn't know this.  but i am seriously not motivated to work on the now.  i want to work on stuff that i don't need to right now. like next semester, next summer.

focus.  i need focus.  i have only been like this for a day.  and it never lasts.  but it is frustrating to me.  i think it happens when i don't get to go quilting as often.  and yes, i see the weirdness of a 28 year old woman who quilts.  but i tell you, sewing is better than some silly sand zen garden.

ok.  i think i am going to get into the tub and see if i can regain focus while warming up my toes.  why does weather below 80 cause the rest of my body to go into some subzero freeze overdrive?  and why do i not live in a very warm climate with a personal chef?  oh the conundrums of my life.  must become dictator so i can force people to answer these questions for me.

thomas took this photo in france this summer.  i rarely get to take photos with the digital and am the designated photographer with the slr.  he also like to take photos of me without me noticing it at all.

we spent the weekend at a conference that thomas organized for all the foreign language teachers her in ky.  i am utterly exhausted and he is barely alive.  although we have established that we will definitely stay at the hotel an extra night so we don't have to drive back exhausted.

but we finally got to watch lost and it freaked t out to no end.  he is now so scared of the hatch.  i must say threshold scares me more.  that ethan guy is scary.  i am still afraid of the basement and i get this thought in my head that he is watching me while i sleep.  i am having memories of the shining all over again.  shutter...

so thomas made me watch a new tv show last night.  now i should warn you that i like scary things.  but this had uber scary moments.  and bloody noses which are the grossest thing anyone can put on the television.

so we watched threshold.  and it has the guy who played ethan on lost.  that man has a career made in playing creepy dudes.  i screamed at one point only after having said ten seconds earlier, he is right there, he is right there, and then he was... and i screamed.  i startle easily.

I must say that i loved it.  i liked that it was weird and scif-fiesque while remaining creepy and scary and somewhat realistic.  even though the writers did add a few lines in there that were cheasy and expected.  not to mention there were a couple of plot "twists" that were predictable.  other than that, i loved it.

i am having the psychotic semester.  i know that i have the cush job, but teaching four in a row without a break to go potty or to have a bite to eat takes a toll.  so instead of just being down right knackered, i am now officially a snot.  at least a snot infested being.  by the way, this blog has been brought to you by the makers of robitussin.  insert image of me swigging the stuff straight from the bottle.

how is it that every cold i have eventually manifests in my throat?  what did i do in a past life to deserve the seal voice?  i am not talking about the singer here, i am talking about the seal that is barking from my voice.  how is it possible that i sound like that? 

in my ick infestation, i did manage to watch the girls, better known as the gilmore girls.  man, lorelei is on crack.  she is driving me nuts.  her daughter dares to choose her parents over her and she cuts her out of her life.  and the thing is, rory knew she would do it too.  the woman needs to be sat down and shaken not stirred.  i know rory needs perspective to get her life back on track, but she needs the help of everyone around her, not just her mother who thinks the degree from yale is.... oh my, i am on a gilmore rant.  sorry.

t and i often talk about children and when to have them.  it isn't a question of whether or not we want to give up oiur life as we know it for a wee one, but a matter of when.  we had considered trying this summer and possibly starting a family this year.  by the way.  years for me are always academic calendar years, never january to december years.  we postponed with his new big-wig exciting job.  we postponed when we thought we may move to ny for that other job opportunity.

so.  being the anxiety ridden person i am, people like me should not have kids without supervision and definitely not without some form of prescription, i look online all the time at all of these crazy sites about things to consider before considering pregnancy.  i found an interesting article about it.  about what to think about.  what questions to ask.  like could i give up sleeping in... that takes a lot of thought on my part.  but the one that i think about the most is what would i want for my kids childhood that i didn't have... what would i want to be different for them.  wow.

i did not have this perfect childhood and i can answer it quickly on so many fronts.  you know, like that my kid doesn't have access to matches to set her favorite doll on fire.  can we say firebug?  but wow.  how that hit me in a way that makes me think about whether i can live up to all that responsibilty.  can i correct the mistakes of my parents?

so.  last night, after thomas decided to go to bed, i went on a "bring out the hounds and search party" hunt for a book that i remember from my childhood.  there is one majorly fat problem.  i don't remember the title.  i have all these strong images in my head of what the pictures looked like and bits and pieces of the story.  but i can't remember the title.

so i went to amazon and i googled it and i went to b & n, but no love from any of the sites.  i did key word searches, i looked at illustrators who were similar, authors who could have written it, and no love.  i am getting no love off of my search for this book.

you see.  it is a story about a witch who goes out one evening.  and she meets with all of these other witches.  and at some point there is rain.  and they have to run and hide.  or fly and hide.  they end up in a cave scared of the rain (they melt).  then they go away.  i know this book had to be published before 1986 at least, and by my memory of the illustrations, i would say it was published in the 70s.  the art is similar to that of the ferdinand book or mike mulligan or blueberries for sal.  that kind of simple yet complicated illustration.  got any love for me?

yeah, i admit that i watch some bad tv.  has anyone else out there watch my super sweet sixteen?  i seriously think these kids are the reason people spank.  for fear that their kids will grow up to be as bratty as these kids.  i mean come on, tell the brat no and by them the used audi instead of the new one.  seriously.  but it captivates me.

so i watch the d-list kathy griffin show.  i find her wildly amusing.  i mean, she definitely works her butt off to get somewhere and make a name for herself.  yet at the same time, she does it at the expense of the people she wants so desperately to hang out with... i think it is the best paradox i have been presented on tv since w's yale degree.  oops, did i just reveal that i am a liberal?

ok, done with the post.  off to bed after i write a post-it to  remind me to pick up breakfast for my class tomorrow... i am an idge sometimes.

a recent discussion with my students about describing qualities and characteristics, it came out that i am a patien person.  i like to think of myself as impatient, knowing that i am really patient.  i can write a to-do list and patiently accomplish those tasks over a period of months with the sheer determination of crossing things off.  all this long after most would have tossed the to-do list.

i am a person who definitely wants things and will work my butt off to get them.  patiently.  like a cat waiting for a mouse to come out.  but there is no way that i would be patient enough, to hold out for those birds to eat from my hand.  creepy.

t aceepted a new job a month ago that now requires him to commute 1.5 to the job.  it pays more and all, and is quite the rockin job, but the gas prices may kill us.  we have lived for so long as a one car family, and have done our part to be responsible consumers, not selfish consumers (except when it concerns peanut butter), but geeze.  gas is pricey these days.

to boot, we have a sick kitty.  our little socks is just nast sick and it is sooo obvious he is not feeling well at all.  he doesn't even want to eat, and that alone says a lot about the state he is in.  we are talking about a 22 lber.  so, hopefully he is feeling better by tomorrow or we are off to the kitty doctor.  and vets are not the cheapest people to go see.  we love him so much because he is terribly sweet and cute and so neurotic.  he takes after me.  i don't know that we can afford to drive him to the vet though.  i may have to take donations...