breaking up is so hard to do
the other day thomas told me that he was watching oprah again. or at least some show like it. he said it was all about a problem that women seem to have primarily. friendships and ending them.
some many years ago, i used to be friends with someone. someone that i grew to like a lot. someone i did not appreciate at first nor wanted a relationship with initially. over some time, and having been thrown into social situations with this someone, a friendship formed. this someone had some great qualities, was fun, and interesting to me.
but there was another side to the someone.
the someone was also mean and inconsiderate of the feelings of others. frequently making hurtful comments to everyone within the social circle. and i know what you are thinking. just say something. and i did. we all did. and every time something was said, and an apology was asked for, the someone commented about how someone knew this was a problem, apologize and then go on to explain why they said it in the first place. no longer apologizing and taking responsibility for the hurt and suffering but instead excusing it. i have understood the difference for a long time now between and apology and an excuse. someone did not.
this was a very hard time for me. very hard. because for me to sacrifice that friendship, any friendship since i do not form them easily, i knew that i could be sacrificing other friendships. that i would be ending a relationship. and i thought about it long and hard and for a very long time. and then i had to consider how to break up with this someone. was i to drop off the face of the earth, never to return calls, never to speak to the someone again and avoid all contact? or was i to explain and end it? i chose the latter.
i wrote someone a letter explaining how i felt. i never accused. i wasn't mean. i didn't call someone names. i explained how i felt. how actions made me feel. how excuses weren't apologies. and ultimately, that i could not see myself being friends anymore. it was hard. it was hard getting the phone call and discussing my letter. hearing the ire in someone's voice. hearing the hurt that i wouldn't want to be friends. it was hard to hear the excuses continue with not one apology. it was hard for weeks to follow as i had to consider if i did the right thing.
this of course has been some years ago. and i realized each and every day that it was. that each and every day i was ok without that friendship. that my life is less stressful without that someone. that i said my peace, and i ended it. thomas reiterated this to me when he said that the show had the same conclusion and brought back the same feelings of me doing something extraordinarily hard but the right thing for me. and ultimately someone.
someone knows how i feel and doesn't have to wonder where i went or if someone did something. there is closure even if it isn't what either wanted or wasn't a hug and fuzzy warm feelings in the end. it was still closure.
Sometimes we have to do things that are difficult, but in the end all the pain and trouble is worth it.