May 2006 Archives

on this day, three years ago, which feels like 20 because i really have a hard time now even remembering life b.t. (before thomas), thomas and i did our first act as a married couple and sawed a log. 

sawing a log is an old german tradition but most definitely a crowd pleaser if ever there was one.

he and i have been together now for five years and married for three of the most wonderful years.  it is truly amazing to know that i am blessed with such a wonderful man who woos me daily, tells me he loves me, thinks of romantic things to do, holds me, supports me, kisses me and thinks of my well-being before all others including himself.

happy third anniversary.  may we have a thousand more!

so.  tomorrow is monday and i have just a few more days to get my act together and fly away.

i have a lot of packing to do this week.  a lot.  i won't go into the long drawn out details, but it is gi-normous.

i have some shopping to do for some supplies, a house to clean, some more photocopying to do, some emails to write, pack my office, pack my clothes, welcome my house-sitter, make some phone calls, talk to my students, go to the bank, pay some bills, write some checks, move my dog, buy supplies for the cats and all in all, lose my mind.  oh, and the laundry has to be done too.

i must admit though, i am looking forward to getting to europe so i can be in a massive state of caffeine overload and all around shopping bliss.  mamma needs new shoes and i am getting me some new shoes if i have to kill an animal and skin its hide to be places on my precious feet.  there's an image.

off to bed.  while you are thinking of the wonderful bbq for tomorrow, i will be packing and running around.  thank god this is america and things don't close completely down for holidays.  i gots stuff to do.

so.  i think i popped an eardrum.  which is not as cool as my title.  it's an anagram.

of course.  i am not really sure if it is popped or not.  i am just webmd-ing it.  i haven't done this since i was a kid and i can't really remember what it feels like.

so.  i am curious if this will affect me flying next week.  who knows.  although, it could just be some sort of gunk from my cold.  which is totally disgusting. sorry for the overshare.

on a side note, our dog, not claire who is featured in the lovely photo (doesn't she look drunk?), as i was saying in my run-on, our dog is in the process of a major "wig out" due to the weather.  she is so much fun.  i now get to go to the vet early in the morning and get her drugs.  my parents, who get her for two months, will not enjoy the he!! we endure when she really can't calm herself.

claire really looks drunk in this photo.  i love it.  dogs gone wild.  friends don't let dogs drive drunk.

so i thought i was over the insult i recently received in one part of my life.

of course, i have been informed that i should not feel insulted.  btw, i love it when people tell me how i should feel and proceed to give an argument as to why i should not feel how i do.  great way to win points with me.

i digress.  so my feelings have been hurt because decisions were made instead of asking me to do something.  you see, a key to getting me to do what you want is to just ask.  don't tell me to do it.  i am more inclined to fight authority than if the authority just asks me to do it in the first place.

i digress.  what really bothers me is that i cried.  not that i am not a crier.  i well up at the drop of a hat.  but the timing of this whole situation is what bothers me.  not only is the curse upon me, thus making me more emotional and distraught, but i recently went back on the pill, giving it another try in a long battle of the stupid thing not working out for me.  so, while i am hurt and insulted about this situation, i am hormonal and emotional, while tackling incredible bouts of nausea that overwhelm me. 

i digress.  so i did my whole count to ten and breathe in (wax on, wax off) routine to work myself out of a fit of tears and now, well now i have that feeling in my back that indicates my breathing is off.  my chest feels tight and i feel so stressed that i know a great deal of my energy is going to be spent on not having an anxiety attack.  which right now, feels imminent.

i digress.  the best part of it was when i was informed that maybe i should pursue something else.  something that i debate a lot in my head.  as if this is the solution to my unhappiness or my hurt feelings (which i shouldn't feel at the moment).  wow.  who knew that someone who hasn't taken the time to get to know me, doesn't find merit in how i feel or interpret the situation, causes me to cry (although i will admit the pill and the period have a big hand in that), can so quickly fix my life and know what will make me happy in the long run.  bravo.  to think, i should have gone to this person all along for advice.

i digress.  the conclusion to my day is this.  i am unhappy.  insulted.  hurt.  and pissed off.  oh.  and i have one week to pack up (this i was informed is required) all the emotion and leave it behind (this was suggested).  yippee.

rather see brad pitt come back to jennifer aniston begging or brangelina name their baby "africa"?

rather be stranded on an island with matt damon or ben affleck?

rather eat a tootsie pop or a blow pop?

rather find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop or waste your time by eating 20 of them?

rather pack up your office at work because you are forcibly being moved or pack up a colleagues who is forcibly being moved?

rather luke and lorelei end up together or christopher and lorelei end up together?

rather harold wins top chef or tiffany wins top chef?

rather drink orange juice or eat an orange?

i have one question.  how?

now.  initially, it looks insignificant.  i mean, how is such a simple question.

but when someone writes a book that was clearly written to be sold to the movie makers.  and it is a bestseller and people have read the book over and over again, all the while saying they can't wait for the movie.

so.  how?  how can you mess up the one thing that is handed to you?  handed to you on a silver platter.

i haven't seen it.  but from all the reviews, i am not so sure that i want to.  and really, if you read the book, it reads like a movie script.  how?

you know when you wake up in the morning and there is that feeling that you can't rub the sleep out of your eyes.

drowsy, so sleepy that you rub your face and breathe in deep.  stretch everything that can be stretched as long as you can make yourself.

you swallow for the first time that morning.  oh yeah.  did i mention your throat is scratchy.  oh.  that you feel congested.  you just know that you are getting sick.

yeah.  welcome to my world.  where i don't have the time to get sick but here i am on the way down.  i am getting cranky and tired and my throat is scratchy and i have way too much to do.  why me?

so.  i am leaving soon.  and after today, i don't know if i should reveal that bit of information.  big brother is watching.

well.  you see.  i was informed about f@cebook today and all its capabilities.  wow.  yep.  i was told about the stalkings.  the sanctions.  the firings.  yes.  that's right.  people got dooced for their f@cebook photos.

so.  i don't think it is in my best interest to let you know my whereabouts.  that i may or may not be leaving the country.  that i may or may not be writing this. 

i don't know who is watching.  BIG BROTHER.  i don't know who is reading this.  i don't know if i am going to get dooced for a job that i may or may not rant about.   do you think the fact that i recently purchased george orwell's 1984 may have anything to do with my paranoia?  do you?

it's my birthday.  aka my day and everyone must celebrate it the way i want to.

today is the day that i enter my 30th year of life.  which does not mean i am 30.  so weird how that works.  i am 29.  the last one with a 2 in front of it.  i must say that each year gets better and better.

for example, this year, the dog got me a birthday card.  yep.  better than last year because i didn't have a dog to give me a card.  the cats got me a card too but i can't find it.  they hid it from me.

and to celebrate.  i am not going into the office today to do work i know needs to get done.  i will go tomorrow and be frantic then.  because today is my birthday.  oh.  yeah.

now.  while t reads this, he will wonder why he married me.  and i will remind him that it was for the sex.

i know that i am the quirkiest woman in the world.  and when you read quirkiest you are more than welcome to substitute the following words: most high maintenance, most ocd, craziest, weirdest, most difficult, or most likely to be hauled away in a straight jacket.

i have some really weird habits that are inexplicable and generally need to be accepted by the general public in order to continue existing in my universe.  remember, lifelong goal of mine is to be dictator of the world.

i sort my m&ms.  and i eat them after being sorted, from fewest of one color up to the most in the other colors.  so if there are two greens, one yellow and five blues, i eat the yellow one, then the green ones then the blue ones.  they taste better this way.

if fruit is put in my salad, i separate it and eat it first.  then i eat the salad.

i do not like salad dressings to have weird fake ingredients.  i prefer dressings to be oil and vinegar based.  and all natural.

hell.  i don't eat food that is touching other food.  military plates were not designed for the military.  they were made for me.

thou shall not toucheth of mine feeteth.  nor shall thou toucheth me with thine feeteth.  this will anger the gods and pisseth the jeorgeth off.  seriously.  i wig out and have a hard time even imagining this happening.  heeby jeebies.

i have countless other quirks that i know are weird and odd.  but somehow, i have managed to go through my life with them and forcing these quirks into other people's lives.  thus cementing the idea that i am a diva and should rule the world.  seriously.

i am angry right now.  let me see how many ways i can put it without pulling out a thesaurus.  irate.  pissed off.  put out.  mad.  seeing white.  grrr.  i could spit.

look at that.  i am so upset (hey another one) that i can't think of other words to describe my disgruntled (one more) sentiment.

you see.  i don't like it when people make decisions for me.  make that decision common knowledge, and then i find out about through a third party.  it irks (i rock) me.  i personally feel that i should be in on any decision that affects me and my life in any way.  even if i don't get to decide on the outcome, people should have learned from their momma's long ago that common courtesy says to let the interested parties know before it is announced to everyone else.

just let me know.  i never knew how hard that is to ask of people.  until this year.  apparently, i got a lesson that others didn't get.  next thing you know, i'll find out from a friend that thomas signed me up to donate my organs... tomorrow.

UPDATE: i think i am over it now.  i don't need to be worked up over this.  i am sure that at some point i will find a positive in the situation but right now i have other things on my plate to worry about.  and all the anger will do anyway is lead to an anxiety attack.  so.  i have refocused my energy on something else.

in the past month and a half, i have been living with a dog.  this is not referencing thomas.  although, the dog is clearly his.  she likes to get up in the morning.  she likes to go to bed late.  she poots.  she howls.  she sniffles.  clearly the resemblance is striking.

but our dog has multiple personalities.  one of which is sweet and endearing.  although some might consider the wet nose in the armpit adorable, it bugs me.  she loves to be loved, plays with her duck while lying on her back, the list goes on.

but it is the devil dog that i have a hard time with.  i don't mind the devil dog during the day.  well.  i am not there to contend with the devil that lives in her nor does it interfere with my sleep.  the last statement being of the utmost importance.  if you don't know why, take a look at the title of the page.