i thought i was over it

so i thought i was over the insult i recently received in one part of my life.

of course, i have been informed that i should not feel insulted.  btw, i love it when people tell me how i should feel and proceed to give an argument as to why i should not feel how i do.  great way to win points with me.

i digress.  so my feelings have been hurt because decisions were made instead of asking me to do something.  you see, a key to getting me to do what you want is to just ask.  don't tell me to do it.  i am more inclined to fight authority than if the authority just asks me to do it in the first place.

i digress.  what really bothers me is that i cried.  not that i am not a crier.  i well up at the drop of a hat.  but the timing of this whole situation is what bothers me.  not only is the curse upon me, thus making me more emotional and distraught, but i recently went back on the pill, giving it another try in a long battle of the stupid thing not working out for me.  so, while i am hurt and insulted about this situation, i am hormonal and emotional, while tackling incredible bouts of nausea that overwhelm me. 

i digress.  so i did my whole count to ten and breathe in (wax on, wax off) routine to work myself out of a fit of tears and now, well now i have that feeling in my back that indicates my breathing is off.  my chest feels tight and i feel so stressed that i know a great deal of my energy is going to be spent on not having an anxiety attack.  which right now, feels imminent.

i digress.  the best part of it was when i was informed that maybe i should pursue something else.  something that i debate a lot in my head.  as if this is the solution to my unhappiness or my hurt feelings (which i shouldn't feel at the moment).  wow.  who knew that someone who hasn't taken the time to get to know me, doesn't find merit in how i feel or interpret the situation, causes me to cry (although i will admit the pill and the period have a big hand in that), can so quickly fix my life and know what will make me happy in the long run.  bravo.  to think, i should have gone to this person all along for advice.

i digress.  the conclusion to my day is this.  i am unhappy.  insulted.  hurt.  and pissed off.  oh.  and i have one week to pack up (this i was informed is required) all the emotion and leave it behind (this was suggested).  yippee.