two words*
so i thought i would throw my two cents in because not having had children, i feel that i am quite capable of giving advice to people with kids and those who are expecting. since i am an expert, please take my advice seriously. and if you have baby fever, or you already have kids, please feel free to apply this advice for the future.
so listen up you and you, because i am going to give you the best advice for raising your kids you will ever receive, and i will do it in two words: duct tape.
yep. you heard it. duct tape.
you see, duct tape is the solution to all your parenting needs.
*please realize that none of my thoughts or theories should be put into practice. if you get offended by the following, then you have forgotten that you are reading the blog of a person who wants to be dictator of the world and wants to institute tiara wednesday. keep that in mind before pursuing my advice on parenting.
your back hurts from the weight of the belly, your panties don't fit the same way: duct tape.
you can't afford the nice carrying system to haul your baby on your back or your tummy: duct tape.
co-sleeping worries you, think the baby will roll out of the bed: duct tape.
you need to baby proof the house by covering the outlets, create barriers, close cabinets that shouldn't be opened, want to keep knickknacks: duct tape.
want to hand stuff up, hang the mobile, put the crib together: duct tape.
your child starts walking and you need some time take a shower, do dishes, do some laundry: duct tape.
the kid reaches out and pulls on the dog, or cat, can't keep it's hands to itself: duct tape.
i may even go so far as to say on that one night the baby won't let you sleep: duct tape, but some people might find that one cruel. but hey, duct tape.
think of all the money you'll save by buying rolls and rolls of the stuff. with this sense of humor, if thomas and i ever decide to take the plunge and have a baby, i am gonna be one scary momma with a dark and twisted sense of humor. to think, they don't make you get permits for this.
Hilarious!
You might be on to something!
Brilliant. I always thought duct tape was man's best friend, but it looks like it works for the ladies too.
Okay, that's pretty funny. I have three at home and I'm gonna run right out and pick up a case. How about these additions?
- Teenagers sneaking out their bedroom window? duct tape
- Constantly on the phone? duct tape the handset to the body of the phone
And, I work in construction and can get cases at cost!!
I will say that it was recently brought to my attention on my blog that people who aren't parents aren't allowed to comment on parenting. It wasn't me saying it. It was some other idiot.
rotfl! oh, that is classic. my brother is going to be a dad fairly soon - i'm passing along these words of wisdom with a lovely gift of: duct tape.
Geez, duct tape is how I got pregnant in the first place...