irrational at its best
when one is "alone" (by alone, you should read: with 14 students) in paris (yes, i know i should not complain) and left to her own devices or vices, one often thinks and reflects on oneself.
so essentially, i can go hours without speaking to people. this is weird for me because i am generally a social person. a quiet person, but social. at home, it is not unusual for me to be reflective or quiet but when people are around, i am usually social. thomas may disagree. but without thomas, and the students off doing who knows what, i am frequently by myself which leaves me thinking about myself.
yes. i am that vain and self centered that i would sit around and ponder myself than go to notre dame. been there. done that. i can give the tour. in two languages.
today, for example, i went to a favorite square of mine, to sit in the shade and listen to the parisians and to read a book. tourists pop into the garden here and there, but they usually leave quickly since it is not "fascinating" enough, thus missing the wonderful opportunity to nap on the (forbidden) grass.
as i would take breaks from reading my book, pigeons, which i despise and am trying to overcome my general loathing of them, would fly overhead. it occurred to me that i have an irrational fear of being attacked by the birds. then it occurred to me that i fear the same thing from squirrels. then it occurred to me that i fear falling onto the metro tracks. falling through grates or manholes. i fear insects. i fear big trucks passing by while i am walking (they could tip over and squash me). i fear circular stairs. i fear stairs you can see through. i fear seeing below my feet. i fear crowds.
my point is, i have a lot of irrational fears. and thomas would agree to this in a millisecond or even faster if possible. my fears don't stop me from climbing to the top of notre dame, but i certainly don't like it. i still go to concerts, i still take the metro, and i still go to parks and stare with great disdain at the pigeons wishing to kick them. i am seriously working on the pigeon thing.
all this from one park in paris. who knew i was such an irrational person? who knows what i will discover about myself tomorrow. maybe i will learn that i am a genius. oh wait. i already knew that.
maybe i will get a new irrational fear. that i will be buying a coffee at a cafe and the serveur will say "il n'y en a plus". OH. MON. DIEU.
Heh! I think we've discussed the whole irrational fear thing before, Jeorg, but I just wanted to note that I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU on the squirrel thing. I'm also highly uncomfortable on stairs that you can see through (or walking on bridges that also have the perforated metal walkways...great for drainage...lousy for fear of heights).
I have to assume that everyone has some kind of irrational fear or another, but acknowledging them and working on them is something. Right? I hope so.
Have you seen the clip about the girl with the irrational fear of pickles? If not, let me know and I'll send it to you. It will make you feel MUCH better about your own irrational fears. Cross my heart.
I'm pretty social, too, but I recall an entire semester in college where the majority of my words were saying "here" during roll call and "good morning" or "good evening" at appropriate times.
All fears are irrational, but that doesn't make them valid and just a little scary.
I have an irrational fear of getting stuck talking to people (ie people on airplanes, neighbors) that I don't want to be stuck talking to. And I don't like walking on stuff you can see through either. And snakes!
I fear that I have an irrational fear.