the wheel of fortune
i admit freely that i use tarot cards and such. one of the cards that has always fascinated me is the wheel of fortune because it exemplifies what happens in life. life changes. life is change. change is life.
as i have grown up over the years, it is something that i have come to terms with more and more. i am not saying that i like change or that i accept it freely and easily. it takes me a long time to realize it and then process it.
as of late, lots of things have come about that are changing my relationships. not for the worse. not for the better. they are just changing into unchartered territory for these friendships. the wheel of fortune has come up in my readings for life.
one person in my life and i have grown apart over the past year or so. and she recently decided to make a career change (a positive option for her) which i honestly feel will be the kiss of death to our relationship. amazingly enough, i am ok with this, not because i won't miss her or don't care about her, but i just feel our friendship has run its course and at the moment should not be forced for the sake of forcing it.
one friend is expecting her first child and i embrace this and understand that our friendship will change because there will be a new personality in her life and mine. (it can't always be about me). but i don't know if i am there yet; ready to be a mommy. no matter the babylust i have, she is at a different part of her life than i am.
another friend is taking a job in another state. once again, i do not doubt that we will remain friends, but the geographical difference definitely means we will not have coffee quite as frequently and gossip. this has been one of the longest friendships for me, a whopping ten years in the making, but the job is superb and he would be crazy not to take it.
i am happy for all these changes in my friends lives but it is quite bittersweet for me as these new possibilities for them affect me as well. although all of these things are positive for them and good, it changes me. it changes our friendships. it is the wheel of fortune turning over and over again. it is change. it is life.
i guess what i am saying is, no matter how old i get, no matter how i work on accepting change in my life, no matter how much i know that sometimes what i want and what should be conflict, this lesson is still one of the hardest to accept. nothing stays the same forever.
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