May 2007 Archives

so the national spelling bee is on.  this is way stressful and i absolutely love the spelling bee.

what is even funnier is that the two guy commentators, mike and mike (thomas listens to them apparently), talk about the kids like they are horses in a race...  i mean, i know a lot of them are homeschooled, but geez, talking about them like horses...

"honey, you don't have any scruples.  will you return this for me?"

my husband has found a new use for my honesty about honesty- which is that i am honest about the fact that i lie.  you see, i honestly believe that people are not honest.  we come out of the womb knowing that lying is a survival technique.  some of us are better at it than others and some of us are willing to use it more freely than others.  some are willing to use it at the expense of others, some only for personal gain, some just don't want you or think you need to know the truth, some lie for others, and some, well, some are just pathological.

so, where do i fit in?

yesterday, my two week countdown began.  my two week of panic countdown.  my get it all done as quickly as possible countdown began.  the end of all things as i know it countdown began.  o.  m.  g.

i will be leaving for paris, again.  and although i know this sounds amazing to everyone else but me at the moment, it isn't until i am actually on the ground and off.  this summer will be a first.  thomas will not be coming with me.  he is staying behind to go back to school and work on another masters and also to garden, hang with the dog and to miss me terrible.  i mean, come on, what's not to miss?

so for the next two weeks, while he has a great deal of that off, i have work to do.  namely lesson plans.  i also have some minor things to square away, plus finish teaching my summer session course.  oh the stress.  and one of the sad things, at leas to me, is that i have only two weeks left with one of the funniest people in the universe.  thomas keeps me laughing, unless i am grumpy, and i genuinely love hanging out with him, unless i am stressed (no one wins in that situation).

so i will be in paris, alone for 7 weeks.  although i will not truly be alone, i do not spend a great deal of time hanging out with my students.  so, i tend to be off, at a café reading, or out shopping.  and my partner in crime will be here at home without me.  what's the longest you've been separated from your partner?

thomas: i don't know why they are advertising svort fighting.  there was no svort fighting in that movie!

this statement was in reference to pirates 3.  if you don't know, svort = sword.

thomas: you know what i just realized the other day?

me:  what?

thomas:  what the new pink song is about.

me: lmao.

thomas:  what?  i don't listen to song lyrics.

me:  lmao. the title didn't give it away?  goes back to lmao.

thomas: well...

UPDATED AT 4:17pm

this is where thomas proves me wrong:

thomas: maybe after the movie, we can go home and have our own pirate adventure.... arrrgggh!

me:  lmao.

if there is anything that i would spend money on, anything in this world that i would constantly buy, anything that i have a fondness for, anything that i apply so many rules and sub-rules to, that would be underwear.  i am talking bras and panties, lingerie, the goods, undies, knickers, whatever you want to call it.

i have such strong feelings about what i wear and what people get to see to the point that i have cried over ruined clothes (and i am talking bawling) and my feelings carry through to what i am wearing underneath those clothes too.

this post has been in the making for months because of a conversation i had with someone who mentioned a patient who is ocd and never wears each pair of underwear only once.  that, my dear readers, i can completely understand.

so i have been writing out a post in my head and you know, when you do that, you carefully get those words, the commas, the semi-colons (not really).

but the problem with this post is that it explains something to you that i am ocd about.  something that is very important to me.  most of my friends and clearly thomas are aware of this but i am in the process of scripting this out.  i have been for days...

and i am going nuts trying to get it right in my head.  i think i am experiencing writer's block.

that kelly clarkson is the definition of badonkadonk.  man her booty is large and in charge.  and she looks bored about having to be on american idol.

you see.  i prefer to teach in the mornings.  otherwise there is this inner voice that whispers ever so subtly to me in the morning and says:

STAY IN BED!!!  YOU DON'T WANT TO GET UP!!!  THE BED IS COMFORTABLE!!!  YOU LOVE YOUR PILLOW!!!  IT IS ONLY 10:30!!!  NO NEED TO GET UP YET!!!

my inner voice, it is a very loud whisper.

so while i was doing the cnn rundown yesterday which involves me reading all the titles, clicking some links, then repeat, i came across a health article on this new pill that gets rid of periods.

in this article, i would like to point out that they state the following: Surveys have found up to half of women would prefer not to have any periods, most would prefer them less often...

um.  so.  like... does anyone else see the stupidity of that statement?  did someone really throw money away polling and surveying women about their periods?  really?  they did that?  because i have yet to meet the woman who said, "d@mn, i love my period.  it's awesome!"  never.  haven't met her yet.  why do stupid surveys exist?

"When Shot said 'rabies,' I thought he'd said 'babies.'  The results came back negative, thank God, but I think I asked for the wrong test."

--Echo Lawrence from Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

i have had a very busy weekend.  i think i may, just may actually be motivated to get my work done and drive through that to-do list.  hopefully, i don't get distracted.  knowing me, the snooze-alarm is only the first distraction...

we went and saw shrek the third this evening.  why you ask?  because i LOVE going to the movies.

it was good.  not as good as the first, or the second, but it was good.  instead of telling you what it is, i am now going to tell you what it isn't because i am a negative kind of person...

it isn't as funny as it used to be because a lot of the jokes have been done.  it isn't as fun to sit through the whole thing because there isn't a huge dance number at the end, and let's face it, without that huge dance number, it isn't worth the 17.00 to get in.  it isn't the cutting edge digimation film of yester year.  (i wanted to say yester.)  it isn't a film with the wow factor and it isn't one that had us walking away laughing about that one line because we couldn't remember any.  oh and if you are going because of the timberlake/diaz thing, it isn't going to clue you in as to why they broke up.

i admit freely that if i want something, i get it.  knock on wood that this continues to happen; i know it will because i want it to... ; )

some of you are reading that and rolling your eyes, condemning me, huffing and thinking that that is a bold and spoiled statement, but a very true statement.  just ask thomas.  i, of course, find nothing wrong with this.

the whole point of this is the following: there are books out there on the market right now that explain how you too can have everything you want.  the only reason i am aware of these books is due to my drive in to the office the other morning.

i find it silly that people should spend there money on something that i can explain to you for free.  you want to know the secret?

i think i ate more than any of the boys this evening.  it was sushi.  but now, i think my belly just might explode.  it could be the piece of pie i ate after all of the sushi.  and the three cups of tea.  and the now & laters.  foooooooood coooooooooooma.

i can feel a mosquito bite through my jeans.  and it itches.  like real bad.  and it kind of hurts.

i took an online quiz today to kill some time and one of the answers to choose from was "wonky."  now, i am not sure if that in of itself should concern me or that that was the answer that best described me.

step 1.  get up in the morning knowing how prosh you will look in your mary jane heels, jeans and crisp white button up shirt.

step 2.  go to the office and receive tons of compliments on how hot you look.

step 3.  teach.

step 4.  go home.

step 5.  blog about your awesome birthday week.

step 6.  have parents over.

step 7.  go to that new italian restaurant with parents.

step 8.  order drinks.

step 9.  discuss menu.

step 10.  order what sounds like a fantastic meal.

step 11.  while your at the table, have father spill entire glass of red wine down your shirt and on your pants gasping and standing there in your prosh little outfit.

step 12.  after eating a fantastic meal drenched in wine, come home and throw away shirt.

so my birthday week extravaganza continues, all week.  the WHOLE week.  i am so awesome it takes seven whole days of fun and food to celebrate me.

last night, thomas took me out to a romantic dinner at a local oh là là mais oui french restaurant.  at this resto i proceeded to eat mussels and fries (of the french variety because it is a french restaurant).  we talked, and held hands, and toasted my fabulousness and that i am 30.  btw, 30 is french for 22.  i ate of the chocolate cake which was divine and i drank of the french espresso.  mmmm.

this evening i get to feast upon italian food with family.  i tell you what, from now on, i am turning 30 every year to see if thomas will do this for my birthday forever and ever.  i am getting my butt spoiled with calories of good foodness.  i love me some italian food and to get to eat food that i love three days in a row, can i hear a d@mn!

oh, but wait.  there is more.  indeed.  tomorrow, we go out with friends for sushi!  oh yes.  sushi.  that means i get four days of jeorg got to pick what she was eating for dinner in a row.  and if you know me at all, then you know that i never get to pick what we are eating for dinner, ever.

i love my birthday extravaganza!  it should be like this all the time.

officially, i am now 30 years old.  woot!  i am no longer in my twenties and the disdain for those still in theirs will commence, like.... now.

so.  i have literally just come home, to post this, on my blog because i am a dork like that.  i just come home from seeing chuck palahniuk in person, listening to him, dodging flying deer heads and flying hamburgers.  i got to listen to him answer questions and do readings from his upcoming publication.  i am sure leah is busy combing over it with a red pencil and yelling at him for not using a comma properly.  something she should proabably do to me, but not today, because it is my birthday.  we watched fight club and then stood in line for an hour to have my book signed by him.

when i made it through the line and finally got up there to him, i told him it is my birthday and he smiled (exhausted because he had been signing books for like thirty (birthday reference) straight hours...) and then he signed my book.  apparently, i have tested positive for rabies, figures, and then wished me a happy birthday and wrote, "get spanked!!"  i told him i would make sure to do that.  another big smile from the sleepy author.

oh yeah.  it's my birthday and i better be getting a spanking.  happy birthday to me!  oh yeah!

i like to think of myself as a really sweet person.  i tell myself this to compensate for the fact that my legs look like i have been infected with some sort of cdc patient zero monkey pox.  i say that i am the bloody sweetest person on the face of the earth which is why i have the cdc monkey pox right now.

no joke.  the mosquitoes have found me.  and they are slowly devouring my legs and causing these swells of allergic reaction to my legs making me look like that person we are all scared of because it could be contagious. 

why is it that mosquitoes feel the need to eat me?  what is it about me that says: hey, look, dinner!  i am the super value combo meal to a mosquito.  i am five star cuisine with a touch of casual dining.  i am apparently bloody sweet.

am i the only one creeped out about the cgi orville reddenbacher commercials?  because if i am, just let me know that you think it is cool and i will get over it. 

i mean, he was creepy when he was alive and all paper thin and old and wrinkly with his bowl of popcorn and now that his is dead and animated and creepy with his bowl of popcorn, *shudder*.

so.  i know everyone checks out what search strings bring someone to one's site.  but i find my major one fascinating.

because you see, it isn't my wit or charm or adorable princessy self that brings people to my sight.  oh no.  it isn't even something cool like porn, sex, rock and roll, drugs or any combination of those words, ideas or general rock star cool concepts.  oh no.  it isn't a funny combination of words like "snorting cheese whiz".  oh no.

no.  what brings people to my site then?

so... do you think that it is a bit of a problem that i still haven't bought my plane ticket and i am supposed to leave on june 11th?  um... yeah.

do i seem concerned?  not so much.  why?  because i know i can buy a ticket and then scratch it off my to-do list.  i am developing thomas' habit of wait til the last minute to buy a ticket.

happiness is... a lot of things.
happiness is... not a permanent state of mind.
happiness is... coffee.
happiness is... when you have ten more minutes to sleep.
happiness is... dvr.
happiness is... not static electricity.
happiness is... thomas kissing me goodbye every morning.
happiness is... a claw-foot tub.
happiness is... being thirty on tuesday.
happiness is... a bookstore.
happiness is... getting to "meet" people online.
happiness is... my ipod feeling better.
happiness is... new shoes.
happiness is... not having to drive anywhere.
happiness is... a moment that cannot always be explained.
happiness is... something different for everyone.
happiness is... enigmatic, sought, pursued, and yet avoided.
happiness is... my moment, right this second, when i think about my life.

so it was mentioned the other day why someone i know was raised without santa.  it has everything to do with the fact that one of her parents was terribly hurt when s/he found out that his/her parents had lied about it.  i must say, i too was hurt, but not that hurt.

or should i say, i was disappointed.  as a child, i loved the illusion.  i easily believed in gremlins and santa.  i believed in the tooth fairy and the easter bunny.  i believed in ewoks and all things in the movies and tv.  but when i was 6 and found out about santa, i was disappointed.

that was the year that i wrote santa a letter of all the things i wanted for christmas.  i managed to get most everything on that list and then some.  how lucky was i that he had gotten my letter?  how unlucky was my mother who had saved the letter in my scrapbook?  i found it in the book and i knew.  suddenly, i knew.

ironically, it hadn't occurred to me that the others were just like santa.  that took a little linger.  but i felt disappointed.  i felt sad.  and i felt so sad about it that i didn't want to tell my parents.  i didn't until i was a young adult.  how could i?  how could i ruin something that they had constructed just for me?  a little bit of magical fun for a child.

how did you feel?

i totally set him up to come up with a great comment and thomas had nothing.  i mean, i set him up, and i get nothing.  how many things can you think of to respond to the following line:

a man can eat a woman's chicken but he can't touch her tots.

so i am off the baby bandwagon for the moment.  the thought of being pregnant and having a child puts me off.  now.  i still love that baby smell, i still love the stuff, i still love the bébés a lot, it's just... how do i put this???  i don't want to have one right now.

thomas and i have talked a lot about this.  and yes, in the past 6 years we have been together, there have been times that my uterus has screamed at me BEBE! and thomas resisted the urge.  but right now, my uterus is shriveled and hiding.  and frankly that is ok.

you know why?

but i can certainly try.

i have nothing interesting to report other than i have a to-do list the size of kilamanjaro (spelling?  to lazy to look) and i have always said that if i were to climb it, i'd die.  so.  i am dying right now. 

not only do i have a ton of grading to deal with, a ton of sewing that has to be done by saturday, a ton of baby shower parting gifts to get together, a date on friday (SPIDEY!), meetings, workshops and emails to answer, but i also have a ton of breathing to do in the meantime.

yep.  i am going to try to do it all.  oh indeed.

UPDATE TWO MINUTES LATER: do you find tobey maguire hot because i totally do not see it and am shocked when people think he is?  anyone?