i can't help but think that

so it was mentioned the other day why someone i know was raised without santa.  it has everything to do with the fact that one of her parents was terribly hurt when s/he found out that his/her parents had lied about it.  i must say, i too was hurt, but not that hurt.

or should i say, i was disappointed.  as a child, i loved the illusion.  i easily believed in gremlins and santa.  i believed in the tooth fairy and the easter bunny.  i believed in ewoks and all things in the movies and tv.  but when i was 6 and found out about santa, i was disappointed.

that was the year that i wrote santa a letter of all the things i wanted for christmas.  i managed to get most everything on that list and then some.  how lucky was i that he had gotten my letter?  how unlucky was my mother who had saved the letter in my scrapbook?  i found it in the book and i knew.  suddenly, i knew.

ironically, it hadn't occurred to me that the others were just like santa.  that took a little linger.  but i felt disappointed.  i felt sad.  and i felt so sad about it that i didn't want to tell my parents.  i didn't until i was a young adult.  how could i?  how could i ruin something that they had constructed just for me?  a little bit of magical fun for a child.

how did you feel?