so far off the bandwagon that i can't hear the band playing
so i am off the baby bandwagon for the moment. the thought of being pregnant and having a child puts me off. now. i still love that baby smell, i still love the stuff, i still love the bébés a lot, it's just... how do i put this??? i don't want to have one right now.
thomas and i have talked a lot about this. and yes, in the past 6 years we have been together, there have been times that my uterus has screamed at me BEBE! and thomas resisted the urge. but right now, my uterus is shriveled and hiding. and frankly that is ok.
you know why?
because this month, i turn 30. which is a good thing because i want to be able to say "in my twenties." but apart from that, i am just now turning thirty. and that isn't old. it isn't decrepit. it isn't late in life.
yes, i am in kentucky and people have them a little younger. bite me.
but i am also not trying to "have it all." you know, make partner by the time i'm 32, have this fabulous career, define myself by it, do everything and then have a baby at 45. no. that's not me. but i think at the moment, i am enjoying being me. i am enjoying my husband (a lot, wink wink nudge nudge). i am enjoying traveling. i am enjoying our friends. i am enjoying my job. i am enjoying everything.
i am not saying i would not be able to do those things with baby. i want baby. i want to have a baby. just not yet. not right now. not today, and not nine months from now. maybe in two years. maybe then. that is my right. it is also my right to change my mind at any moment. because i can. and right now, i want a pony. a magical pony.
trust me. the day will come and i will announce on this blog that i am preggy as preggy can be. and then my readership will triple to 30 people (oh the bandwidth woes). but until that time, i am going to enjoy my life, and my husband and a little more wink wink nudge nudge because i am only 30 (on may 15).
Oh no! Now I feel bad about the comment I left yesterday....I didn't mean it! Babies are great! (Actually, mine is sick right now...not fun) You have plenty of time, though I hear you on the Ky thing...I'm turning 33 this week and I'm sure my family had decided I was infertile or something waiting _so_ long (rolls eyes). Now I can still live vicaiously through you for a little while longer.
Hitting 30 was the best thing that happened to me. Well, not the *best*, but it was definitely a good thing.
Yay for knowing what you want and when you want it. And realizing that your mind could change any moment.
For that I give you a pony. A magical one!
lainey-- no. it isn't you at all. i know that about babies and i don't begrudge them that. that, amazingly enough, does not turn me off to babies. but yes. you shall have adventures through me.
alison-- i can't wait. bring it on.
leah-- what color is my magical pony? you see, i'm superficial like that...
Bring on the magical pony! That sounds SO much better than a baby. I have two my-little-ponies sitting on my desk actually. I reckon you need one as well.
I'm with on the whole baby thing though. Maybe one day, but definitely not now. And, it's a good thing you are really thinking about it all rather than just jumping into something that can't be reversed.
I love being 30. And while I'm now one of the people who try to convince their friends to have a baby so that we can all hang out at the park together - I do think the most important thing is that both parents are ready, because it is a huge life change.