ethical questions

is it wrong of me to threaten a student that i will not, under any circumstances, give him/her his/grade until s/h tells their best friend that s/he has been madly in love with him/her for years (and the feeling is mutual... they talk on the phone)...???

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is it wrong of me to listen in on a conversation while having lunch:

her: just because i fu¢ked him, you can't keep me from seeing him.
later in the conversation...
him: i did not hit on her.  i didn't even talk to the blond.
her: no, but when i went to the bathroom, i saw you get the brunettes phone number and the blond told me you come here often.
him to the waitress: was i here last night?
waitress: yeah, i think i saw you.
later in the conversation...
him: i may go take a walk for ten minutes
her: no, because you want to go chat up that girl over there...

best conversation ever.