holy smokes!: March 2006 Archives

here is a lesson in southern charm concerning pregnancy:

it is improper to ask someone seriously if they were pregnant unless you know they are trying to conceive or they just peed on a stick in front of you and you are trying to determine what the double pink line means.

you don't assume someone is pregnant because they are of the age to get knocked up or just because it is kentucky.

no matter how much a woman looks like she is pregnant, there is a chance that she is just plain fat or that she ate too many krispy kreme doughnuts and is just downright bloated.

somehow, these lessons have not made it out to everyone in the world.  i thought i would share them before there is an embarrassing situation that causes a meltdown of all the polar caps in 3 seconds because someone is offended by the mere suggestion that she is pregnant.

i should be posting photos of our dog and not claire, my parents pooch.

but wait.  what dog?  apparently i was hasty in thinking that we have a sweet little pooch since she broke away from me twice today, and the second time, well, i can't find her.

and after melting down while looking for her, causing thomas to come all the way home from work, going and looking again, driving to the humane society, filling out a form, asking anyone and everyone in the neighborhood about her, well, we still have no dog.

i, am apparently incapable of taking care of a dog.  and now i sit here and i am worried that she is cold, hungry, lonely, sad, hurt or worse.  she is so sweet and adorable and i get to go to the humane society in the morning and take the tour of all the strays, which breaks my heart.  so, i have had a rough day and to be quite honest, i don't want to talk about it. 

so.  when you go to quilt for a weekend, and you are proud because you finish all your quilt blocks for a quilt (queen size) even after running out of fabric, you think you are doing a rock on job.

well.  let me tell you.  some people are there just to show you up.  this was one of my cabin mates pieces of work.  this is part of her project for the quilt challenge lucky in kentucky.  when she got there, all she had was her drawing (she drew it herself) and the brown background cut out.  she then spent the weekend cutting all the little pieces to create his shading, his mane, his eye, his nose, mouth, snout.  there are hundreds of little pieces to this... and one woman's vision.

this is what the phrase "i was honored to be nominated" feels like.

well, i miss posted the ad with the roses about what you buy your wife and what you buy your mistress...  yeah, this one is way more appropriate.

so.  a friend was working at one of the local elementaries.  and well.  let's just say that on an occupational level, he is quite the catch.  you can figure out the profession.

some of the teachers emailed their photo to a third party to see if he was interested.  seriously.  and to boot, he's married.  wedding band and all.

ladies, ladies, ladies.  seriously.  in an act of looking for a husband, you would resort to third party photo-sharing.  what the f?  why?  why would you want to marry a man (who is already married) after having enticed him out of the relationship?

did their mother's not have this talk?  did they not tell their young impressionable daughters that you don't marry a man who cheated on his wife with you?  did they not explain that you become his mistress???  seriously.